Essay Comments

I was pretty happy that Prof. Scott didn't trash my essay and tell me I needed to rewrite it--but then again I don't think she has the heart to do that to anyone. So I was pretty happy with what I read. My research proposal needed a lot of work when I got it back, but I'm really glad that my essay was mostly well written. There was one idea that she pointed out that I hadn't even thought about--that I was being confusing on whether or not I was talking about VT, or any college. That's a good point since I think I started out talking about VT but by the end of my essay wanted to apply it to all colleges, since my thesis changed as I wrote the essay. Now I know I can go back and make it less confusing. I think it was good that she had a clear idea about whether or not to use personal stories in my essay since I was a little confused about whether that would make my essay more or less legitimate. Anyway, I was definitely in agreement with the items that she pointed out and plan to fix them pronto. And I'm looking forward to the next assignment. 

The Essays

When I first started writing my essay, I already had a lot of it in my mind from the research proposal, which in some ways made it easier and in some ways made it harder. I have begun to feel very trapped by my topic, and I often feel that I am repeating ideas over and over because I have written and rewritten them so many times between my proposal and all the drafts of my essay. I know we have one more assignment to go with the same topics, and after that, I think I won't be writing about AS anymore for a very long time. 

Especially after I heard Prof. Scott's essay in class, I really had an itch to write something more creative, even if it were on my same topic. I feel like I've stuck to academic essays because they are all I know and have experience with from high school. I think the next essay that I write will have to be personal, however, since I have all these ideas rolling around in my head now. 

This Class. (Yes, I'm going to be that general in the title.)

What I find most different about this class from other English classes (and I know I'm not technically supposed to call this an "English Class") is that what we do in class is so productive. 

I remember in high school English we'd maybe...read a short story in class, or do creative writing assignments to be turned in at the end of class, or act out a scene from a Shakespeare play. And then for homework we'd have to write an analytical essay comparing two works of literature we read over the summer, or something like that. And the thing was, there never was a connection between what we did in class and what we did out of class. It always seemed like the out-of-class things were the worthwhile, contemplative, engaging activities while the ones in class were just an hour and a half of filler. 

I really like that in this class the activities we do in class actually contribute to our assignments outside of class. Sometimes, in class, I find myself hoping something like, "I really can't do any more with this essay until I make a definite list of things to improve in it" and then lo and behold that's what we end up doing. 

But not only are the in class activities helpful, but a lot of them are also ones I've never thought to do on my own, and now I know I'll do before writing another essay. 

I think my point is that even though I've said my entire life that I hate English class, since I've always been so frustrated with the way we had it previously, I think I'm finally learning some worthwhile researching methods that will help me in my major. My major is, I think, going to be political science, which involves a lot of research papers. I think I'll be ready. 

How To Improve My Essay

After reviewing the two pieces about essays and also doing all the writing exercises in class today, I've come up with a lot of ways to improve my essay. From the pieces we read for homework, it's pretty clear I should have a lot more focus on exploration and interpretation instead of only focusing on facts. 

A lot of the things we read were about how essays should be personal reflections, etc., but that didn't seem to really apply to my essay since mine is a lot more focused on analysis of facts and has a more concrete thesis. However, I do realize that I need to keep in mind that this isn't a 5th grade style 5 paragraph essay (intro point 1 point 2 point 3 conclusion) which I still tend to do a variation of (sometimes something like intro point point counter point point conclusion). 

Other things I noticed I need to do are put my paragraphs in a more logical order. A lot of what I say is important and needs to stay, but the essay can get confusing since the paragraphs are not in an order that directly leads into my conclusion. 

Also, I think that my thesis in my intro is clear, but the concluding paragraph I have doesn't really connect to that original thesis, so that needs to be fixed up. And one last thing, I'm thinking that after all my persuading essay parts, I should put in a plan-of-action section showing people what needs to be done because of "this this and this" that I outlined in the essay. 

Research Proposal Comments

The comments I got, I think, are very helpful. And not just because it is the same professor who wrote them that will be grading this blog. Most of the comments were directed toward the same idea--I wasn't giving enough detail/I wasn't explaining myself well enough. 

They were helpful because even though I know what I'm talking about when I'm writing, sometimes you need a second reader to tell you where you missed a point...most likely a point you had in your head but never transferred to the paper. 

I guess a lot of what I wrote was based on the research I did, and while I knew the other details, a person who hadn't read those sources would be lost in the proposal. Other than a few smaller problems in my paper, that was the advice given: expand. Actually, that makes complete sense since when I was writing the proposal, I kept thinking to myself, 'I really feel like this isn't long enough, I'm not saying enough.' But while the solution I thought would be to add more sections, really, what I needed to do was add more into each section. 

Contemplations on the Essay

When we first brought up the topic of essays in class, I was a little nervous about that fact that the research we had done for the research proposal was supposed to be enough for our essay as well. For one thing...I think a lot of what I wrote in my research proposal was my own thoughts and ideas which I am thinking now would have a better place in my essay. So I'm not sure what to do about that.

 I think I'll probably repeat some of the same basic information that was in my research proposal, and then expand on my own personal opinion on the issue I was proposing. Also, I have a lot of personal experience with people with AS, so I think I could spice up an essay with stories and accounts of actual people I've met, so I can balance out the more scientific fact after fact after fact style that my research proposal used. I intend to try to appeal to a more everyday person and not pound them with statistics and other boring numbers.

Well...I guessed I answered my own question in my blog. I plan to write an essay with a good balance of facts and personal stories, to make the essay seem intellectual and researched but also make the audience care about what I have to say. 

Fall Break

It's been a long week! I can't wait to relax and de-stress over fall break!

What makes an essay an essay?

Well, I read all of these essays early since I will be away from a computer over fall break and needed to do the assignment now.

They were very interesting. When I first read the assignment on the 3-week planner, I thought they were all going to be boring scientific or historical essays. I thought that because my topic, Asperger’s Syndrome, is going to be very scientific, with a lot of facts and figures. So I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were all narrative style essays that were entertaining and also educational.

So that gets me into what I think make these pieces fall into the category of “essay.” As I was reading, I picked out a few similarities that I saw.

One, the styles were similar. There were a lot of action verbs—and therefore a lot of action. They were all extremely descriptive and really poetically written using devices like metaphors and similes. I was impressed by how descriptive they all were. The one example that I keep thinking about is the description in The Stunt Pilot when they flew through a cloud and in front of them was a huge mountain of red, iron-laden rock.

Another stylistic point I noticed was that there seemed to be a turning point in each essay. The best example is from Silent Dancing when it goes from describing her life and her home to talking about how she overheard her mother talking about an abortion and it scared her for the rest of her childhood.

A third characteristic of the three essays that I picked up on was that each had their own educational bits and pieces. Some put them in separately from the story, some within the story. For example, there would be a paragraph in Silent Dancing about Puerto Rican culture to explain what is going on in the story. Also, there would be technical terms specific to the topic that would be explained in the reading. Again, I Silent Dancing the word “la mancha” was explained to mean “the stain,” which had to do with looking and seeming like an immigrant. In The Stunt Pilot, there were technical terms that had to do with maneuvers in flying.

Last, each had a certain controversy or point that hooked in the reader. For Silent Dancing, it was the abortion story. For Ali in Havana it was his disease and his experience with Castro. In Stunt Pilot it was how the pilots, both the crop dusting ones and the stunt ones, accepted death as routine in their jobs. Some people may find other controversies they though were more interesting, but those are what did it for me.

So in conclusion, what I found that linked these writings together as essays were: 1)style (descriptive and action words), 2) turning point, 3) informative, 4) a way to hook the audience. 

Questions on pg. 99

1) I would like to determine what Tech should do concerning students with Asperger's Syndrome and the services they need. These services include instructing AS students on appropriate social behavior in college and possibly social activities for them to participate in. Also it would give the students what's called "academic coaching" (one on one help in classes from a trained professional in their disability) more often and with more classroom accommodations. 

2) I think my lit review is very good and leads to my question well. That is definitely a strength of my paper. I think a way I could make it better is by adding a section that shows the importance of my research--why what I'm doing needs to be done and how it will actually affect the organization that is funding me. 

3) I think I did pretty well acknowledging both sides of the argument, since that is a major part of what my research project is. Although I am choosing a side, I will be doing a lot of in depth research on both sides to give each a fair chance. 

4) If it turns out that AS students need extra services, then it is up to universities to implement the necessary services. My paper could be used as proof or guidance of why those services are necessary. It would specifically show what needs to be done, why, and how. However, if it turns out that I go against my hypothesis and decide students don't need these services and it really is too much hand-holding, then it will reaffirm to parents of AS students that everyone is on a level playing field with the services already provided by the department of services for students with disabilities.